East of the Sun | West of the Moon

We recently commemorated the 125th death anniversary of a fallen hero. Betrayed and sold out by his fellow guerillas in the fight to birth a new nation. Out of the ashes of the Spanish American war in the Philippines much is left devastated and traumatized.  The tragedy of a multi colonized land. Invading armies descend on our shores to ransack and ruin all. For an agricultural archipelago and economy it means people starve and easily turn on each other. Leading to decades of ingrained crab culture.  generational trauma  -  ties that bind War is an angry ugly horror. Kill or be killed. Nowhere to run or hide. Too many innocents caught in the crosshairs. The toll so cripplingly heavy generations are totally derailed.  It doesn't just change the behavior of both winner and loser - our DNA is forever altered. Carrying the carnage in blood and bones. In muscle memory. In ruined digestions tuned acidic with fear and lack. Sleep loss and nightmares. Dodge and cower in constant chaos and

No matter how much she tries to hide and be invisible it never works. Someone always calls her out. She gets too involved in something and forgets her own promises to herself. Somehow, she gets found out.  Always awkward, often clumsy - she manages to call attention to herself. Often unintentional, especially when she's most nervous or afraid. She forgets to breathe or holds her breath for too long she just about passes out.  She has a list of special people she keeps away from - those she does not like, those who hurt her most. But they always manage to root her out - they find her in the crowd or in the most obscure places. They have special skills they employ to grab her and pin her down.  Samson & Delilah  (1887) by  Jose Etxenagusia Years of practice, years of experience have finally made her life more bearable. Yet he can never claim joy or delight because - always - there's the dread. Of being discovered, of being found out, of being exposed. Held out for inspection