East of the Sun | West of the Moon

Is it so hard to accept that a person can actually prefer to be solitary? Solo? Alone? You would think it would be the saner choice. We’ve watched couples – even among the best – they all compromise.  Is there ever such a thing as equals? A balanced relationship? Two individuals – independent? Interdependent? Committed to each other? If it exists it has yet to manifest.  Fantasy Creatures Tarot Eastern and western culture seem so definitive about roles. Though no one can seem to agree on what exactly these roles entail. Child. Adult. Parent. Spouse.  How do we interact? We can’t even agree on these roles. What are they for each individual? One, either or both. It’s hard enough to know oneself. Thoroughly. Fully. Completely.  To be together. Wholly with another? Not one and the other? Is there such a thing as mutually surrendered? At the same time or in turns?  I love you – you love me. All that it is. No – I love you as much as you love me. Conditional conditions. Collaborative collabo

Long before Lea Salonga became the global poster child for Filipino performers, we had  Lydia Gaston  as our  bugal sang Bacolod [pride of Bacolod]. Syempre, we mean Lyd-Lyd - the daughter of Tita Lydia .  Lydia "LydLyd" Gaston   Many now know  Lydia Gaston as Jokoy's mom , Tita Susan - in the Fil-Am comedian’s upcoming movie,  Easter Sunday   - slated for release this August.  Easter Sunday official trailer - Universal Pictures

Mom tells us about her mom, our amah - leaving her family in China to come to the Philippines to marry angkong , her dad and our grandfather. She speaks of their love letters, written in the most beautiful calligraphy.  According to amah, these letters contained their courtship. Lyrical descriptions of his adventures and challenges. Scholarly texts he'd read and deep thoughts generated. Insights and inspiration angkong intimately shared with amah.  Though they spoke it fluently none of their children could read and write in Chinese characters. So they listened avidly as their mother read them her treasured love letters. She kept them in a locked camphor chest. Part of a set of four that came with her as her dowry.  antique Chinese camphor chest or baul Years later we would dig through these exotically carved trunks which we called ba-ul s . These depicted in meticulous detail life in ancient China before Mao's communist revolution. 

What is belief but faith lived and experienced. A testament to what we believe. What we feel we are worthy of in this world.  Ages ago at university we had a nearby watershed we could easily escape to. Minutes away from campus and an overcrowded metropolis we are under cavernous canopies of mist fed giant ferns and cushions of moss blanketing the ground.  In the pounding spray of the waterfall we drop our cares as we peel off into crystal cold pools. Wading wet and wild through shadowed trails and streams. Heat and sweat cooling off in the chill damp air.  Trailing off from the others in our private bubble - closing in, touching, breathless. 

We recently commemorated the 125th death anniversary of a fallen hero. Betrayed and sold out by his fellow guerillas in the fight to birth a new nation. Out of the ashes of the Spanish American war in the Philippines much is left devastated and traumatized.  The tragedy of a multi colonized land. Invading armies descend on our shores to ransack and ruin all. For an agricultural archipelago and economy it means people starve and easily turn on each other. Leading to decades of ingrained crab culture.  generational trauma  -  ties that bind War is an angry ugly horror. Kill or be killed. Nowhere to run or hide. Too many innocents caught in the crosshairs. The toll so cripplingly heavy generations are totally derailed.  It doesn't just change the behavior of both winner and loser - our DNA is forever altered. Carrying the carnage in blood and bones. In muscle memory. In ruined digestions tuned acidic with fear and lack. Sleep loss and nightmares. Dodge and cower in constant chaos and

No matter how much she tries to hide and be invisible it never works. Someone always calls her out. She gets too involved in something and forgets her own promises to herself. Somehow, she gets found out.  Always awkward, often clumsy - she manages to call attention to herself. Often unintentional, especially when she's most nervous or afraid. She forgets to breathe or holds her breath for too long she just about passes out.  She has a list of special people she keeps away from - those she does not like, those who hurt her most. But they always manage to root her out - they find her in the crowd or in the most obscure places. They have special skills they employ to grab her and pin her down.  Samson & Delilah  (1887) by  Jose Etxenagusia Years of practice, years of experience have finally made her life more bearable. Yet he can never claim joy or delight because - always - there's the dread. Of being discovered, of being found out, of being exposed. Held out for inspection