body & soul

It's been a year of being a grief doula to all too many friends and strangers who have lost a beloved. Young and old. Sudden or long suffering. The men die and the women have to somehow forge on. 

What do I know about loss and grief? I knock on wood like some triggered spastic that I have yet to lose someone I cannot live without. I'm the one who's afraid of going to a wake. I find myself stuck in the threshold like some scarred quivering rabbit. 

In the Orient where I originated we have the age old practice of professional mourners who diligently wail the spirit of a dearly departed off to the divine realms. Away from the living so we can grieve and live in peace. Never to be haunted by any lingering ghost of disappointment over some unfinished regret or sorrow. 

A practice of countless past dynasties now imbedded in our DNA and mutated by new technology. For folks who love to celebrate with, song, dance, staged performances, and karaoke it's not so strange then that we film our funerals as we do our birthdays, weddings, and just about any occasion. 

How ghoulish is that really? Is it truly morbid or warped? Who knows for sure, right? Different strokes for different folks. When in Rome and all that jazz. 

It's the quiet moments that can be so much more terrifying. I sit stiff and frozen amidst the sea of mourners. Bobbing and sinking in accumulated waves of loss and tears. I embrace myself, afraid to utter a sound, for fear of what could be released and unbottled. 

Feeling too much, empty and hallow nonetheless. No weapons in my vast arsenal to comfort and condole. Too open and surrendered to the raw and palpable pain thickened air we all breathe. 

All I wish is to break free, fling open the barn doors of my being, make as much space as I am humanly able. Expand the vessel of me to accommodate these ever growing feelings. To be the sturdy vehicle driven by everything bouncing all over the place. 

Letting it flow forth, in and out with each shared breath. If love is the door, then surely, compassion is the key. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tambanokano | the titan crab

Image
Belief in giant monsters eclipsing the moon and efforts to frighten them away are widespread throughout the Orient. Found all over Asia — in the Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Vietnam, Japan, Mongolia, China and India — these ancient stories were spread through trade routes with the expansion of the earliest empires. The folklore of Bisaya and Mandaya indigenous tribes of the Philippines tell different tales of a giant moon eating crab they call Tambanokano . Crab_king by noah-kh / DeviantArt Tambanokano the crab was the colossal son of LiAdlao, the golden orb of our sun and LiBulan, the silver sprite of our moon. They were two of four siblings born to LiDagat, the sea and LiHangin, the wind. Long ago in a tiny village of Buglas, the cloudless night sky was illuminated by a bright flash of lightning. Buglas is the fourth largest island in the ancient archipelago we now know as the Republic of the Philippines. As the ocean waves crash violently along the shore, smashing
Read more

impUNITY

Image
We recently commemorated the 125th death anniversary of a fallen hero. Betrayed and sold out by his fellow guerillas in the fight to birth a new nation. Out of the ashes of the Spanish American war in the Philippines much is left devastated and traumatized.  The tragedy of a multi colonized land. Invading armies descend on our shores to ransack and ruin all. For an agricultural archipelago and economy it means people starve and easily turn on each other. Leading to decades of ingrained crab culture.  generational trauma  -  ties that bind War is an angry ugly horror. Kill or be killed. Nowhere to run or hide. Too many innocents caught in the crosshairs. The toll so cripplingly heavy generations are totally derailed.  It doesn't just change the behavior of both winner and loser - our DNA is forever altered. Carrying the carnage in blood and bones. In muscle memory. In ruined digestions tuned acidic with fear and lack. Sleep loss and nightmares. Dodge and cower in constant chaos and
Read more

state of grace

Image
Love it, hate it - New York City evokes extremes. Stunning senses and maxing us out with its all-out, in-your-face force and energy.  There's a new rendition of the song, New York State of Mind . It's got an impressive roster of top-notch celebrities and personalities singing snippets of the song against a backdrop of NYC's five boroughs.  Columbus Circle, New York City Created to help NYC get back on its feet – could they have done so with more care and consideration? NYC is like a cat running out of its god given nine lives.
Read more