close call

After two years of construction the young family has moved in next door. The vacant lot is long gone - eclipsed by a three-story box looming over my second floor flat. 

I've had to put up screens and roll down blinds all along the long side we now share - too close and personal. Otherwise we shock ourselves when we look out and make eye contact. 

too close for comfort

I miss the views that are no longer there for me. I miss the warmth of the afternoon sun baking that whole side of the building. We've turned into accidental peeping toms. 

What use are windows when we can't look out of them? Now I have to worry about them looking in on me or I on them. Close quarters. Loos of privacy. Infringing on each other's space. It's no way to live. 

The other day I looked down on their kitchen island and their four year old was walking upright on the counter with no adult in the room. I want to scream, rant, laugh. 

I resent that these strangers are too much a part of my life. So much for being a hermit. That life is lost to me now. I resent being forced into the voyeur next door. I wasn't me who set up their aquarium windows three feet away. 

I met them the other day. I wish I didn't. If I don't get to know them then maybe all the cursing I poured into the place throughout its construction will not rub off on them. 

Curses for cutting down two sentinel grandfather trees. Curses for all the grit and noise from digging and hammering. Curses for blocking my view, my sunlight, my cool breeze. 

I put so much ill will and discontent into every brick and board laid out. I'm sure the place is toxic to the core. 

As I watch innocent fat feet pad happily on flat feet I am riddled with guilt. As I see dimpled stubby fingers trail along walls and rails I cringe in shame. 

Riddled with remorse and regret I spend my days burning candles and lighting sage to counter all that bad juju I soaked into that structure. May it dissolve all those past curses. Burn them away and transmute them all. 

Evaporate them into the ether - released and harmless. Not I'm left to watch and see. Oh my - damned if I do and damned if I don't. 

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