on the verge

Being a broken record is the worst torture ever. Constantly repeating the same story - over and over, again and again. Deepening the grove with each round - digging deeper yet so struck. Tone deaf and out of tune - perpetuating the same old sad story. So sick and sickening - this broken trail of dreams. 

There I was, happy as a clam, devoid of any clue. 

irritable, angry, depressed

So very happy it bordered on obnoxious. Yes, hell, yes! Everything in my life was working. A husband who loved me. He was completely gaga over me. Spoiled me rotten. Showering me with expensive gifts. 

Taking me out for expensive celebrations. Travels booked to wild and exotic realms - stunning and awesome. A house built just so, just for me, just because. A temple raised for the worship of me, me, me. 

Can't live without me. Won't go anywhere without me. Hates having to leave me. My most loyal and ardent fan. What did I do to get him so hooked on me? I love him dearly for all of this but even I think it's hilarious. 

How he adores me. How he worships me. What a hoot - it's deranged. 

Too good to be true, right? Well, now he's gone. Zip. Boom. Bang. After years of wedded bliss - or so I thought. That person I believed so loved and worshiped me is gone. 

Took off with some young fresh thing - ha! Shocker. I am absolutely stumped. I totally did not see this coming. Truth. 

I thought he'd gone on another one of his company assigned trips. Regular but unplanned so he didn't couldn't hadn't told me. But when I called - nada, no answer, no call back. 

I was the one who'd been ignoring him of late. Pouty and prickly, too touchy about who knows what. Then a close friend suddenly lost her husband - so devastating. I freaked and thought I's better do better by my living and breathing spouse. 

So I rushed back to surprise him. But when I got to our city apartment it was empty and had been emptied out. The building management gave  notice that the the lease would not be renewed at the end of the month. 

No note. No notice. Nothing there. 

Here I sit in the dark, crying my heart out. Dreading what to say once folks start asking. Time to sing a new tune I guess.